“My migraines are a bit more severe than yours.”
I got this as part of a distressing email exchange with someone about what it’s like to have non-stop migraine attacks for years (it’s not a direct quote, but the gist is the same). The implication was that I can have a positive attitude because my attacks are less severe than what they experience. Before you get your hackles up in my defense, know that this person apologized after I responded to this ridiculousness, pointing out that they have no idea what I’ve been through and that my migraines have been less severe this year because I have worked my ass off to make them so.
But the statement wasn’t without harm. It plunged me into memories of the worst year of my life — a year that was already on my mind following Robin Williams’ suicide. I barely wrote during that time and have only alluded to how terrible it was. It is hard for me to even find the words to describe what those days were like. And I’m not going to try now. I’m just too raw.
Several months ago, my therapist wanted to do some trauma work around my memories from that year. I kept trying, but couldn’t connect. I could describe it objectively, but there was no emotion. I found that emotion these past couple weeks and it has been overwhelming. I saw my therapist today and we finally were able to do some trauma work. We didn’t go very deep and it was still a lot, though I’m doing better this evening.
So that’s why I’ve been quiet this week. I’ll be taking the next two weeks off to spend some time with my sweetie. I have a couple posts scheduled — and I’ll be hosting the Headache Disorders & Migraine Blog Carnival on Sept. 8 — but won’t be on social media or responding to comments or email until the week of Sept. 8. I was already in need of a break. With the memories the last two weeks have churned up, I really need some time to recharge. Take care of yourselves.