Chronic Migraine, Coping

Plunging Into Memories of the Worst Year of My Life

“My migraines are a bit more severe than yours.”

I got this as part of a distressing email exchange with someone about what it’s like to have non-stop migraine attacks for years (it’s not a direct quote, but the gist is the same). The implication was that I can have a positive attitude because my attacks are less severe than what they experience. Before you get your hackles up in my defense, know that this person apologized after I responded to this ridiculousness, pointing out that they have no idea what I’ve been through and that my migraines have been less severe this year because I have worked my ass off to make them so.

But the statement wasn’t without harm. It plunged me into memories of the worst year of my life — a year that was already on my mind following Robin Williams’ suicide. I barely wrote during that time and have only alluded to how terrible it was. It is hard for me to even find the words to describe what those days were like. And I’m not going to try now. I’m just too raw.

Several months ago, my therapist wanted to do some trauma work around my memories from that year. I kept trying, but couldn’t connect. I could describe it objectively, but there was no emotion. I found that emotion these past couple weeks and it has been overwhelming. I saw my therapist today and we finally were able to do some trauma work. We didn’t go very deep and it was still a lot, though I’m doing better this evening.

So that’s why I’ve been quiet this week. I’ll be taking the next two weeks off to spend some time with my sweetie. I have a couple posts scheduled — and I’ll be hosting the Headache Disorders & Migraine Blog Carnival on Sept. 8 — but won’t be on social media or responding to comments or email until the week of Sept. 8. I was already in need of a break. With the memories the last two weeks have churned up, I really need some time to recharge. Take care of yourselves.

7 thoughts on “Plunging Into Memories of the Worst Year of My Life”

  1. Thank you all for your kind comments. The plunge didn’t last long and I felt much better after doing the trauma work with my therapist. I managed to have a wonderful time off.


  2. Oh Kerrie, I am sorry that there is a need to do trauma work. I am glad that your therapist is guiding you and sending a gentle hug as you navigate what you are walking through. I am glad for you that you are taking a break. Taking a break is so important. I’m glad that you are sharing because you are allowing others to feel comfortable in taking breaks themselves. I took an 18 month break and felt so much guilt, but it I had to do what was best for me. I am thinking positive thoughts that you get what you need out of this break. Be gentle with yourself.

  3. ((((HUGS))) Kerrie. I really despise it when people try to play the pain Olympics. It’s not a contest, and it’s incredibly upsetting to have your life, pain and losses dismissed as not such a big deal.

  4. You take care of yourself Kerrie. You do so much amazing hard work for yourself and for the migraine community. We’ll be here for you, and understand. I am experiencing a bad flare that has also brought up memories of the worst time in my life so far with migraine, and haven’t been able to do much at my medical appointments/therapists office except cry. This disease can be devastating.

  5. Thank-you. I read a lot of posts from different sites and yours resonates the most with me. I to am doing some trauma work to see if it helps with pain. Good luck and peace. Toni

  6. YOU Take care of yourself! Enjoy a much needed break and know that you are appreciated by many for the words, thoughts and experiences you share with us!

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