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My Improvement is Not a Miracle

“If I believed in miracles, this would qualify as one.” I wrote that last week in reference to how much better I felt on Tolerex. It’s been bugging me ever since.

A miracle arrives out of the blue and is conferred by an outside force, some otherworldly or supernatural being. My improvement is not a miracle. It is a direct result of what *I* did, not the whimsy of some outside agent.

I’m the one who pored over articles from medical journals. I’m the one who has sifted through the highly unreliable information on histamine that’s available online, trying to differentiate fact from anecdote. I’m the one who created a spreadsheet and has logged every food I’ve tested. I’m the one who chose to give up real food to see if that would make me feel better. I. Did. This.

You know that I’m far more prone to self-criticism than self-congratulations, that I’ve adopted the criticism of the people who doubt the severity of my illness and my efforts to overcome it. Not this time.

It took going to extreme measures, but I can finally see how hard I’ve fought (and continue fighting) to try to reduce my migraine frequency and severity. Only a desperate, dedicated person would give up food (FOOD!) in an attempt to feel better.

My improvement is no miracle. It’s the result of not just a couple months or years of effort, but of 12 years of slogging through the days, attempting one unsuccessful treatment after another, and picking myself up and trying yet another avenue again to find relief.

So, yeah, I’m proud of myself. I think I deserve to be. I *finally* think I deserve to applaud my tremendous effort. This long, painful journey is nowhere close to over. But it’s far easier to move forward now that I can see myself as the courageous warrior my loved ones have been telling me I am.

8 Responses to My Improvement is Not a Miracle

  1. Melanie says:

    You are so right, Kerrie! You did the VERY hard work to gain improvements!

  2. Virginia Smyres says:

    I am overjoyed to hear this! Love and kisses, Mom

  3. Nilofer says:

    Your hard work helps so many.

  4. Katie Burke says:

    In other words, *you* are the miracle.

  5. Tracy says:

    Your blog has been my go-to for the latest in chronic migraine treatment. I can’t imagine chronicling all that you have even on a good day. I’m glad you are getting some relief!

  6. Timothy Bauer says:

    Kerrie:

    Thanks for bringing hope to other
    migraneurs. If possible please update
    more often. I know that may not be
    possible because of your situation.

    Blessings,
    Timothy from Reno

  7. amber d. says:

    I will reread this EVERY TIME I feel like giving up. You continue to amaze and inspire. Thank you and stay strong!!

  8. Dwayne B. says:

    I can’t really express how happy I am that you’re narrowing down your migraine cause.
    A coworker and friend recently got her first quality migraine treatment, to very good effect, and now the writer of a blog I’ve read for years is seeing some real positive, identifiable, effect.
    As someone well into year 7 of non-migraine daily head pain, thank you for all the hard work you’ve put in, and for hope and inspiration where there is sometimes very little.

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