Major Messer of the Modern World is the title my mom bestowed upon me when I was a kid. Add to this my history of overachieving and desire to change the world and it becomes abundantly clear that being Merry Kerrie Housewife was not in my cards. Without being able to work and bringing home a paycheck, cleaning, gardening and cooking seem the only way to contribute to our household.
Doing at least one housewifely activity consistently seemed like an attainable goal. Cooking is a task that I enjoy, so making dinner regularly is naturally what I chose to do. (Getting back the not-so-good results of my cholesterol test in January gave me an extra push.) I felt like I was being realistic.
The reality is that I have no control over how much pain I’m in day-to-day or even hour-to-hour. If I plan and buy for a week’s worth of meals at once, I inevitably throw out the ingredients for at least one of them. If I plan day by day, which is really only three days a week because we always have leftovers, I’m lucky to make it to the store and have the energy to cook once each week. I’ve tried various permutations of these plans and still can’t figure it out.
When I do get dinner made, if my pain is in the moderate range — as it almost always is by mid-afternoon — I’m spent by the time we eat. Wiping down the counter is a stretch; doing dishes is an impossibility. Although Hart, who is totally exhausted too, is happy to help, I tell him to not worry about it because it’s my job.
To sum it up, I’m an overachiever who’s underachieving at a job that I’m so not suited for. I never get it all done, which nags at me constantly. I tell myself that it’s OK. I never intended to be a housewife, nor, in fact, am I one. I’m a woman with chronic illness who is coping the best she can. Too bad I don’t believe it.
I know how ridiculous it is to be angry with myself for being sick; I thought I was past that. But it’s perfectly normal to berate myself for not keeping up with housework? Hmm. Doesn’t take an analyst to see that I’m still blaming myself for my illness.
4 thoughts on “Not-So-Merry Kerrie Housewife”
This is the problem I’ve currently got. I can guarantee the ability to cook a really good housewife’s dream meal from scratch three to four days a week.
After which I sit down limply and stare at the ceiling for an hour, and then I have enough energy to go lie down on the bed the rest of the evening. (annoyed sigh) Dishes? I can’t do the dishes, I can’t stand up!
We won’t even get into the issues of two ADD messys living together and the issue of picking up the other person’s socks. I finally just got a grabber so I don’t have to bend over to do it.
It really sucks, doesn’t it?
Have you ever thought about trying something like Simple Suppers or Dream Dinners? They are places where you can go to make a month’s worth of food. They’ve done all the prep and have the recipes; you just go from station to station to make the meals that you want.
I’m on a buy local and organic kick right now, but these sorts of places are really appealing. If neither of these companies is in your area, there are many similar places all over the country, but they with different names.
Hope I’m not being pushy. I just thought of it and that it may be helpful.
Easy dinner solutions: buy ingredients that are freezable, or non-perishable. chicken breasts freeze, and with cream of chicken soup and rice are a delicious meal. non-perishable doesnt necessarily mean processed, i keep about a half dozen types of pasta on hand. even canned soup (or soup you made in bulk on a day you felt good, and froze) with potatoes or rice is tasty and quick. home made pizza has ingredients that are shelf stable. if you find yourself throwing a lot away, buy things that keep.
Thanks for the suggestions!
I felt myself nodding and agreeing all the way through – I was an inadvertent housewife/student when I was diagnosed with my chronic stuff and cleaning was just set aside. (Now, cooking…cooking DID give me pleasure.)
It’s just so frustrating…
I could have written your blog!!! Scary
I’m sorry to hear that!
Take care of yourself.