I resisted going off the supplement that was causing depression-like symptoms, then I resisted starting antidepressants when I realized the depression hadn’t lifted. I told myself I didn’t want the side effects of antidepressants or to complicate my migraine variables. Those excuses are partly true, but mostly I didn’t want to acknowledge that I’m depressed enough to require medication.
The day I started back on Wellbutrin, my mood lifted. The antidepressant medication didn’t change my mood in a single day; the decision to take care of myself did. I don’t want to be depressed, but wishing it away is a fruitless endeavor. Instead of continuing to hide from the truth, I both recognized and accepted the depression and chose to treat it in the only way that’s ever been effective for me.
I am not out of the woods. It will take weeks to ramp up to a full dose of Wellbutrin and could take even longer to know how well it’s working for me. If it doesn’t, I could spend months trying to find the right medication (or medications) and dose. As I’m figuring all that out, I can take comfort in my decision to start taking antidepressants.
Self-care often falls by the wayside when a person is depressed. It doesn’t help that depression saps one’s motivation and hope. Overcoming all these factors makes for a gigantic first step. I’m proud of myself for taking it.