I often worry that even if my migraines were under control, I still
wouldn’t accomplish anything. That the problem isn’t my illness, but
that I’ve become lazy. The last three days have shown me just how much more motivated I am when I don’t have a migraine and my headache is mild.
I’ve taken care of many tasks that hang over me but I usually don’t have the energy for. Even now, with the house picked up and all my phone calls made, I’m looking for more to do.
The voice in my head is saying, “You need to rest. You feel great now, but will crash — hard — if you keep pushing.” I’m proud of that voice. It took so long for it have a permanent spot in my head that I truly appreciate the reminder. I’d listen to it if I didn’t know that a migraine could make my head explode and steal my energy and mind at any moment.
What a relief to know that migraine and chronic daily headache haven’t permanently snatched a integral part of my personality. Maybe they’ve made me appreciate it even more and have (almost) taught me to back off before I overdo it. I’m not ready to give it the Pollyanna treatment, but maybe, just maybe, there are some hidden blessings in this illness.
I’m going to try to listen to the wise voice in my head now. I need to eat a sweet and then will snuggle up with Harry Potter. I encourage you to relax and enjoy your weekend too. Taking care of yourself can be magical.
5 thoughts on “Migraine Down, Motivation Way Up”
Wow and old post but so relatable
Wow – I was just saying the same thing to a friend earlier today: That I often think I’ve just become lazy until I have a good day and find that I still WANT to DO things!
Last week, I played TENNIS for the first time in SIX YEARS. I couldn’t believe how much FUN it was! I was always athletic until I had to stop everything, just about 6 years ago, when my migraines became “transformed migraine” which became “chronic daily headache”. Similar to what you described, I often fear that this illness has taken all of that away from me, and that I don’t even know who I’d be anymore if the pain went away. But the pure JOY that I felt playing tennis reminded me that it IS the illness that stops me. It was such a great reassurance that “I” am still here, no matter how often I feel obliterated by pain and fatigue.
I can still feel how fun that was, a week later. In fact, I hurt my back while playing, I guess from being so out of shape, but I don’t regret it for a second. Now I have a fresh and recent memory of feeling like myself again. Sometimes that kind of thing makes me feel sad, just because it’s so infrequent. But this time I’m just happy about it, – happy that it’s still IN me to feel that good, be fun, be motivated.
And now it’s so validating to me that you wrote about this very thing. – Thanks!
That’s fantastic. I’m glad that the memory is making you happy. It’s great that you know that you can still do the things you love, even if not as frequently as you’d like.
Oh boy, do I ever know how that feels. And more. When I get that surge of energy, I want to take the bull by the horns and just go absolutely nuts with it, and I start multi-tasking, which ends up getting me nowhere, because I can’t do that anymore.
I get crazed with the amount of things that “need” to get done, and the energy I have, so I “must” get it done NOW! So I obsess. Inevitably, I get less done by moving things around from room to room by my multi-tasking, instead of just concentrating on one area. I’m just nuts that way.
HOWEVER – on Friday, I did manage to get an area of my home under control. Yeah for me. Without the multitask. And it looks nice.
Congratulations! I’ve read that multitasking actually makes us less productive than concentrating on one thing at a time. But I know what you mean about the frenzy. I so often start a project and have to leave it part way through.
This is so true. I often have the same feeling when the headaches are better- I have lived with them for so long that it seems like I am always for the shoe to drop. I Do cherish the days when the migraine does not take over though.
I hate the fact that migraine has the ability to do this to us, even when I feel good.
Hope all is well.
Thanks! Wouldn’t it be nice if all the emotional junk went on hold when the physical symptoms do? It’s almost like I think about the impact of migraine on my life more when I feel good than when I feel bad.
I often worry that even if my migraines were under control, I still wouldn’t accomplish anything.
Gosh, Kerrie. I can’t begin to tell you how often I’ve had the very same thought.
Thank goodness I’ve found a good therapist who can help me be more objective about the source of my limitations. I have convinced myself that I am inherently filled with flaws because of the struggles I’ve faced while trying to cope with migraines. It certainly doesn’t help when most people around me (especially my employers) treat me as though they believe migraines are under my control. It’s a constant struggle to develop and maintain perspective.
I’m so glad you’ve found a good therapist. None of us are inherently flawed, of course, but I agree that it’s a constant struggle to believe otherwise.