My head hurts so much that I can barely walk. I’m on the verge of throwing up. Yet I’m still wondering: Maybe the migraine isn’t that bad and I’m just being lazy. It is the unrelenting refrain. Whenever I think I finally believe I’m not faking it, the doubt comes back.
I often worry that even if my migraines were under control, I still
wouldn’t accomplish anything. That the problem isn’t my illness, but
that I’ve become lazy. The last three days have shown me just how much more motivated I am when I don’t have a migraine and my headache is mild.
I’ve taken care of many tasks that hang over me but I usually don’t have the energy for. Even now, with the house picked up and all my phone calls made, I’m looking for more to do.
The voice in my head is saying, “You need to rest. You feel great now, but will crash — hard — if you keep pushing.” I’m proud of that voice. It took so long for it have a permanent spot in my head that I truly appreciate the reminder. I’d listen to it if I didn’t know that a migraine could make my head explode and steal my energy and mind at any moment.
What a relief to know that migraine and chronic daily headache haven’t permanently snatched a integral part of my personality. Maybe they’ve made me appreciate it even more and have (almost) taught me to back off before I overdo it. I’m not ready to give it the Pollyanna treatment, but maybe, just maybe, there are some hidden blessings in this illness.
I’m going to try to listen to the wise voice in my head now. I need to eat a sweet and then will snuggle up with Harry Potter. I encourage you to relax and enjoy your weekend too. Taking care of yourself can be magical.