Like an athlete who knows all the clichés to tell the press, I say all the right things about my recent migraine reprieve. The improvement may not last… I’m taking it day by day… No treatment is guaranteed to work forever… Sometimes I even believe myself.
When my migraine pain hit a level 6 last week, I didn’t panic. I still have migraines most days and even though the pain rarely even hits a 5, I know that more painful migraines could always resurface. I can handle it. For a day. After that level 6 pain was followed by three more days with level 5 pain, I officially freaked out.
Days when level 6 pain is a cause for celebration could come again. (Writing that sentence made my stomach turn.) I got through it before and I will once again. But I really, really, really don’t want to have to.
Last week’s migraines were likely hormonal, so they’re probably not here to stay. This is somewhat reassuring, but I couldn’t rest until the stretch of more severe migraines let up. Even now, after a couple days with little pain, fatigue or brain fog, I’m still more nervous than I was two weeks ago.
It’s not that I’m obsessing over future uncertainties, but I’m wary of making plans. I have some great ideas for TheraSpecs that require a long-term commitment of physical and mental energy. I’m also considering moderating Migraine.com’s forums. There’s no problem with doing either one right now, but what about three months from now? How about next year? Severe daily migraine attacks were the story for so long that it’s hard to believe they won’t return.
I don’t ask for much. I just want work to consistently, keep my household fed and running, and have fun with my loved ones. Having a taste of that life has been so amazing that I’m walking around like someone newly in love. Back to the (true) clichés, I’m grateful for every day, living this life to the fullest, focusing on the now, enjoying life in the moment. But I can’t deny that I will be devastated when (if?) it stops.