Chronic Migraine, Coping, Reader Stories

The Work of Chronic Migraine

The outside world either thinks writing is my job or that I don’t work at all. In truth, I work constantly. When I’m lucky, that work is writing; most of the time, that work is chronic migraine. I never leave work. Never. I never have downtime and I don’t get to leave my work at the office after a long day. My work wakes me up in the night and I check on it first thing in the morning. I imagine it’s not unlike the tireless, thankless work of a stay-at-home mom, without the rewards of giggles and kisses from an adorable little one.

When I was at my sickest, I expended all my physical and mental energy just to keep myself going. It may have looked like I was lying in bed, but I was giving it my all just to ensure I’d wake up the following morning. That may sound melodramatic to some, but any migraineur who can imagine being chronic will understand it’s not.

Now that I’m doing a little better, I work constantly to try to maintain or increase the improvement, monitoring my diet like a hawk, building up my physical strength, avoiding triggers, researching potential comorbidities, considering other treatments, attempting to maintain balance so I don’t push myself into a severe attack, working through the deep well of grief wrought by spending much of my 20s and 30s disabled.

I keep talking about how much better I feel these days. At my current peak, I function at 70% physical or mental capacity (not both) for a couple hours in a day. Most days I’m thrilled with a few hours at 50%. A so-called good day means I don’t have to focus all of my attention on my health and can instead tend to normal things of life, like cooking, doing laundry, paying bills. I’m tremendously grateful to have this much ability, while simultaneously angry that I work so hard for only partial functionality.

I may not have the money, social stature, or outwardly visible accomplishments associated with hard work, but my effort is commensurate with that of a self-made multibillionaire.

Reader Stories, Society

The “Gift” of Illness

Although migraine and cancer are very different, there’s a common thread in the idea of envisioning illness as a “gift” — an opportunity for personal growth or recognizing our blessings or making us a stronger. Is Cancer a Gift? reflects on this mischaracterization of illness.

Yes, illness can make us aware of the goodness in our lives and highlight all we have to be grateful for, but any hardship in life can have the same result. Putting a happy face on a life-threatening disease like cancer or a life-altering one like migraine sidesteps the harsh realities of illness and minimizes the tremendous grief and loss a patient endures.

These words of Lisa Bonchek Adams are particularly poignant:

“A gift is something you want to share.

“Something you want to give to someone else.

“Something [about which] you say ‘Next time I need to give a special gift to show someone I care, this is what I want to give.’

“Cancer is not that thing.”

Neither is migraine. I would happily trade all the insights I have gained from chronic migraine for living with the blissful ignorance of a healthy 20- and 30-something.

Community, Patient Education, Reader Stories, Symptoms, Treatment

The Faces of Migraine Video

You must watch The Faces of Migraine! This incredible six-minute video illustrates the startling statistics of migraine and the profound impact it has on patients’ lives.

Patient advocate Ellen Schnakenberg, her son, and a team of volunteers put together The Faces of Migraine. They’ve done a wonderful job of depicting the harsh realities of migraine. Please watch and share with your loved ones to help spread the word about migraine.

Go to the Faces of Migraine website to share your story or suggest future video projects.

Chronic Migraine, Coping, Mental Health, Reader Stories

Chronic Migraine’s Isolation and Emotional Torment

When the worst migraine I’ve had in months coincided with an overnight visit from a friend, I was overwhelmed by how incredibly alone I felt, even when surrounded by friends. In The Isolation of Chronic Migraine, a post I wrote about that night for Migraine.com, I said:

The isolation gave me a sense of physical emptiness. It was as if I wasn’t even there — like my essence (or soul, if you please) was missing. Like I was in this experience of migraine entirely alone and not even the people closest to me could touch me physically or emotionally. (Read the whole post here.)

My friend visited last Thursday. Although I haven’t felt isolated like I did that night again since then, the memory of when my migraine attacks were at their worst has continued to haunt me. In those days, I felt disconnected all the time. Like the constant companion of severe chronic migraine wrapped me in a layer of insulation that kept anyone else from reaching me. No one, not my friends, family, or even my husband, could get through it.

Much of this time was when I lived in Seattle. In my bedroom there, the closet took up one long wall, but the doors were a regular closet door width. This left a nook that was difficult to access. I used to lie in bed and fantasize about curling up in that tight space, where I could be comforted by the darkness and the enclosure. I don’t think I ever did it — it seemed a desperate move, like doing so would mean I was millimeters away a psych ward — but I do remember sitting on the floor in the tiny spot between the bedside table and the wall. Even there, migraine wouldn’t leave me, and the sense that I was disappearing from the world was magnified by the knowledge that I took up so little physical space.

Thankfully, those days are behind me. I say this not only because I’m on some preventives that reduce the severity of the migraine attacks, but because I don’t think I will be able to disconnect like that again. Since those days, I’ve allowed my friends to be around me when I’m in a bad migraine attack. I’ve let other people see what it can be like and have spoken about it more openly. I used to close off as soon as someone asked me about migraine, as if acknowledging it would make it more real. Now I answer questions readily and have described the experience to non-migraineurs. I have written about those times and how close I was to suicide.

Then again, it is easy to say I won’t get to that point again on a day I’m feeling better. Last Thursday night was scary both for the emotions I felt and how reminiscent they were of worse days. I am far more connected than I was a few years ago, but, truthfully, I’m still detached. I haven’t returned to calling friends and family for no reason and am nowhere close to being as social as I once was. I’m not in massive pain all the time, but I still have a migraine nearly every day. I’m physically and mentally exhausted much of the time. My emotional and physical strength are stretched taut in  support of myself; my ability to care for others comes in small, unpredictable bursts.

Even the most sympathetic, empathic friends and family cannot understand what it is like to live inside chronic migraine. Despite all the explaining and writing I have done, I still cannot capture the bleakness and alienation I have felt. The physical sensations of chronic migraine are horrendous, but the emotional torment may be even worse.

Chronic Migraine, Community, Coping, Reader Stories

Read This Blog: Migraine Monologues

Migraine Monologues is one of those blogs that’s too good to keep to myself. Written by Victoria Saxton, a 31-year-old migraineur who lives in London and is not a crazy cat lady, the blog is not only hilarious and thoughtful, but well-informed and well-researched. Some of my favorite posts: