Remembering Pain (with Awe & Amazement)
People say that humans can’t remember the physical sensation of a painful event after it has happened. We can remember the emotional and cognitive experiences, but not the actual physical pain. I can’t find solid evidence for whether this commonly held belief is true, but I’ve just tested it and have to say that it is for me.
Last week I had the first level 6 migraine I’ve had in months. The worst of the pain only lasted an hour, but I spent that hour marveling at how much pain a level 6 migraine could bring. Level 6! That’s at the LOW end of my severe pain scale. For many years, level 6 pain was a reprieve from higher daily pain levels.
When I got beyond thinking “Wow, migraines really hurt,” I moved onto the question that continues to baffle me: How in the world did I survive? This quotation from Anna Quindlen that I shared in The Daily Slog of Chronic Migraine provides a partial answer:
And then sometimes we become one of those people and are amazed, not by our own strength but by that indomitable ability to slog through adversity, which looks like strength from the outside and just feels like every day when it’s happening to you.
I survived because this was the normal life that I slogged through each day.
I survived because the alternative is a choice I wasn’t willing to make.
I survived because I am stronger and more courageous than I ever thought possible.
From the many readers I have heard from over the years, I know these traits aren’t unique to me, but are common among those who live with a headache disorder, chronic pain or chronic illness. You and I and everyone else who wakes up with debilitating pain and illness each day — we’re pretty incredible. Whether or not we go to work or make dinner or even get out of bed, we overcome the insurmountable every single day. We are awe-inspiring.