I Miss Myself

I got to be myself for a few hours Saturday night. I drove the convertible with the top down and the radio way up. I sang along with Dave Matthews, falsetto and facial expression included. I sang so loudly I made my throat hurt. I danced in my seat. I laughed when other drivers pointed at me.

Then the migraine hit and I sobbed, knowing that it may be months before I get another glimpse of this wonderful person I so rarely get to be.

I miss myself so much.

13 thoughts on “I Miss Myself”

  1. I am usually just a lurker here and know this is an old post but I have to tell you that I broke down and sobbed after reading it because it describes how I feel so perfectly. I am just (hopefully) coming out of a really bad 8 day migraine haze that landed me in the ER last night. I also have daily migraines/headaches but had become more functional in the last month so this most recent episode has got me down. To clarify, by functional I mean usually able to drive myself to appointments and occasionally feeling well enough to cook and clean. Thank you for being so open and so honest in your blog. It helps to not feel so isolated and alone. Also, I just purchased some of your Theraspecs and am crossing my fingers they will help with the dreaded tablet glare! Thanks for the blog Kerrie and I am so happy that you have found some relief. I will send positive thoughts your way for continued success and even more relief!

    1. Kabami,

      Thanks for your kind words. You’re definitely not alone! Your definition of functional sounds all to familiar to me. I hope the TheraSpecs help you find some relief.

      Take care,

  2. Hi Kerrie, I guess I have been isolating; ashamed of my last group entry; feeling like a failure for ‘not getting it.’ My issues I know.
    I too wanted to share that I so understand those glimpes of what was and could be. I have had months of non-stop migraines depleting me of all energy and life force and then one week poof they were gone. I felt like myself; people commented on how relaxed I looked, etc. and then of course bam they came back as fast as they left. I so enjoyed laughing and being carefree. I want that back too…I miss who I could be. We just all have to keep fighting. Trying everything that anyone else believes might make a difference. Talk to each other. I have my down times, but I keep going to the doctor; keep working and focusing on what I can do. It is so helpful to have a place to share… I wish us all more carefree moments…I wish…

  3. Hi Kerrie,

    I have not come by in ages but nothing has changed – still have headaches every single day. I had a couple of days in Paris in late October that were really good, almost zero (I have not had a zero hour since February) and I had this glimpse of who I used to be, when I had joy and enthusiasm for life. This totally sucks.

    I have to start coming back here. I forgot how good it felt to be with people just like me instead of struggling in a world where no one understands.

    Terri xo

  4. Thanks for the support. It is so great to know you’re all looking out for me.

    I’m sorry for those of you who are having similar thoughts and feelings. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone. The blessing is that these good hours still come, even if they are not as frequent as we’d like.


  5. I had a similar experience about a month ago. I was able to drive and shop for a couple hours on my own, and then my husband and I went out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary (a few days early). I journaled about it that day because it can sometimes help to have “proof” of those wonderful glimpses… a reminder that it’s happened before and it can happen in the future (even if it’s months or more in between).

  6. i can 100% relate to you kerrie. i’m currently averaging 27 migraine days per month. i’m slowly but surely losing touch with myself and it makes me sad.

  7. This really hit home, Kerrie. Things have pretty bad the last few months, and extra frustrating with doctors. I feel like I’m seeing “healthy me” moments like they’re photographs, just special occasions, and holidays from being overwhelmed by pain. It’s so hard. Thank you for the post.

  8. This how I am feeling today. I keep wanting to get back to “normal” but today I realized this is going to be my normal for the rest of my life and it makes me so sad. 🙁

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