Chronic Migraine Tedium
I’ve been kinda quiet lately. I’m rehashing the same old stuff in my mind and it doesn’t make for very interesting reading: “I’m sick. I don’t like being sick. I feel better than I did at my worst, but that’s still not so good. Still, if I feel better I should be doing more. I need to stop being so self-critical. Why am I still so sick?”
I can’t tell you what’s happening in migraine or headache news and blogs because I’m not keeping up on any of them. I’ve definitely had a touch of depression, though that’s finally lifted. Mostly I just don’t want to think about migraine more than I already do. I’m either having a migraine or trying to cram all the pieces of life into the the time I don’t have one. And by “pieces of life” I mean showering and cooking, not dancing and singing. I have gotten in some time with friends and done a little thrifting in the last few weeks, so it isn’t all about responsibilities.
Sometimes I think of migraine as a full-time job that requires tons of overtime. When I’m not at work, I’m trying to take care of everything that gets pushed aside, never mind that I’m always exhausted because I work so much.
I’m also struggling with my migraine reality. I expected any degree of feeling better to mean huge advances in how much I’m able to do in a day or a week. Turns out that even though I feel better, I’m still quite sick. Figuring this out has been tremendously frustrating, but I think I may be coming to a better understanding of what it means to have chronic migraine that’s only significantly debilitating, not severely debilitating. Oh, the joys of perspective.
This post sounds a little bleak, but I’m actually in good spirits. I think I just needed to get a little bit of the “ick” out. Thanks for listening.