Who’s in Control, Migraine or Me?
I was pleasantly surprised when I woke up this morning to discover that I felt pretty good. Once upon a time, I would have lazed in bed, planning for everything I would do during the day. After repeatedly getting up to start the wonderful day I’d mapped out only to get a migraine within 15 minutes of getting out of bed, I stopped that daydreaming about five years ago. Since then, I’ve instead lazed in bed, enjoying every moment until my head began to hurt again. Today I tried a new approach. I got up immediately, eager to take on whatever I could while the migraine was at bay.
As soon as I got out of bed, I knew the lack of a migraine was only an illusion. The pain wasn’t too bad, but I was so weak and dizzy. Still, I worked my way to the living room to pick up my laptop. I picked it up alright. Then I sunk down on the couch and plopped the unopened computer on my lap. I just needed to gather some strength before carrying it to my desk. That’s what I told myself over and over as the minutes dragged on.
And there I was, back in severe migraine and my nausea increasing, within half an hour of waking up thinking I had a productive day ahead of me. I can read novels again (after a four-year migraine-induced hiatus!), so the time spent in a migraine attack no longer feels completely wasted. Yet I get so tired of day after day passing without being able to write a post or call a friend or do the dishes. Even though I feel much better than I did at my worst, I spend so many days being unproductive and antisocial. I am more than migraine, but migraine pervades — and limits — all aspects of my being. Do I really believe migraine is not the boss of me?
P.S. Loss of Productivity During a Migraine Attack is an excellent post by Nancy Harris Bonk on the frustrations of being incapacitated by migraine.