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A Little Relief, A Little Anxiety

One of my greatest fears is that I’ll find an effective treatment that will reduce the intensity and/or frequency of the migraines for awhile, then it will stop working. I’ve heard plenty of anecdotes about this, though I don’t know how often this happens percentage-wise. Just knowing it happens is enough to worry me.

After 48 hours of level 3 pain after my magnesium infusion, the pain increased with the onset of three-day storm on Saturday. I did not panic because I knew that a storm was likely to trigger a migraine even if I was overall improved. Sunday and Monday were a little better, but still mediocre. Another migraine hit Tuesday, right after the storm cleared. I soothed myself by remembering that many headache specialists say that weather changes are triggers for most migraineurs. (I mentioned this to Hart to reassure him — he was telling himself the same thing!) Today, though, I can no longer blame the weather. So the constant questions resume — Am I in postdrome? Will the magnesium infusion only last one week?

Over the weekend, I hadn’t begun to consciously worry about the magnesium infusion wearing off too quickly or not being as effective in the future; the concern was apparently below my consciousness. While napping Sunday in an effort to recharge myself to visit friends in the afternoon, I had a new kind of anxiety dream. It had something to do with getting to the end of the semester without attending or dropping a particular class, which is how anxiety usually manifests while I sleep. This time, I missed classes because the magnesium infusions were no longer able to bring the pain down to a level 3.

Usually I awake from anxiety dreams and am able to calm myself knowing I’m not currently a student. I know I’m probably worried about something, but am reassured that whatever got my heart racing in the dream was not real. This time the source of anxiety in the dream was not only a possibility, but culled directly from one of my greatest fears. I have elaborate, bizarre dreams that provide an amusing respite from my daily life. I’m unhappy that reality intruded, though so far I’ve only had the dream once.

I believe I’m finally recovering from the long weekend of migraines and am hoping, hoping, hoping that tomorrow I’ll again see the benefits of last week’s magnesium infusion. I can’t put into words how much I want this to work. I’ve gotten a glimpse of what life might be like with less pain and more energy and I want more of that. Please, migraine gods, please let me have some more.

6 Responses to A Little Relief, A Little Anxiety

  1. JeanneMK says:

    I don’t know what schedule you’re on for the magnesium infusions, but I get them once a week. When a holiday interferes with my regular appointment schedule and the clinic shuts down (stinkin’ Thanksgivin’), and I have to wait 10 days instead of 7 days, oh my.

    But the magnesium has helped me so much that I’ll do anything to get it. I’ve driven on icy roads to get my infusions. The nurses joke that if I don’t show up for my magnesium, they’re going to be afraid it’s the end of the world. 🙂

  2. VB says:

    I’ve never heard about Magnesium Infusions till I read your post Kerrie!
    I’m seeing my headache specialist next week for new Botox injections, all will ask her about it! I live in Norway, and I really don’t know if this is done anywhere.

    I’m having my first session with hypnosis for migraine tomorrow. Anyone who has tried it at wants to sheer their experience?
    I don’t know if the focus will be on the chronic migraine and pain, or my fear and anxiety of severe attacks. Anyway, I’m exited!

  3. Debbie says:

    I’m in postdrome now after a doozy! Trying to explaine to my hubby why I’m not ready to SEIZE the day! Its tricky b/c he doesn’t fully understand what a bad migraine feels like!
    I’m interested to hear how your hypnosis works for you. Anxiety is also a tricky one for me.

  4. robin says:

    YES! re: the anxiety of a treatment not being there. i’ve used imitrex successfully since 1992, but in 2010 i had some very scary heart palps. though they don’t know 100% it was the imitrex im not to take it. im still allowed to take another drug in that class maxalt, but it never worked as well as imitrex (i’ve tried all of the sumaptriptans over time). When the sumatriptan doesn’t work (think 24 – 40 hours of massive headache!) the only rescue that works for me is a visit to the Primary Care doc, and a nasty injection cocktail of demoral and compazine. When i am in the throws of pain, even when i have an appt scheduled my mind (i think because of the pain?) starts plays tricks on me.. “When i get there, they won’t give me the cocktail, and send me to the E.R. (usually 6 hours of h*ll running stuff thru the I.V. that does not work for me!)” or my mind thinks the doctors will all be on vacation, or they go to the medicine storage and find they are OUT of it, etc. etc. An AWFUL feeling 🙁 Meanwhile i have started atenolol 25mg at night, so far no improvement but neuro says it can take a few months. I am also curious to know if hypnosis works – there is a guy in PHILA area on youtube that shows working with a patient…but don’t know if it works for everyone? I did call his office, but got a bad feeling cause he said he would not discuss fees etc. unless i came into the office. that was a red flag for me….

  5. Mike Geheren says:

    Its completely understadable that you have anxiety about your meds. I hope this isn’t to obvious but there are a lot of ways to cope with anxiety, light exercise, meditation, yoga, and my favorite behavioral therapy. Dont be afraid to try new treatments. Miracles happen. Hopefully you will be headache free vary soon.

  6. Joufy says:

    Your fear is currently my reality. I’ve had migraines since I was a teenager. I started Gabapentin in April of 2011. It worked all summer. I’d still get the monthly period migraine, but otherwise I was fine. Now they’re back, and building in frequency. :S

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