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Revisiting the Pain of Years Past

After a brief migraine respite (by “respite” I mean a few hours each day in which I can cook, run errands, etc. even though my pain levels hit at least a 7 most days), I’ve been back in Migraineville since late March. The last few days have been decent, yet I’ve been reluctant to return to the blog. An increased heart rate and shaking hands betray the nervousness I feel, though I can’t locate the source of it.

As cathartic as the blog has been, I suspect I am reluctant to return to the place where so much of misery is stored. [cue tears] It is difficult enough to look at the migraine diary I’ve kept since February and those are just numbers. I don’t have to re-read The Daily Headache; I know it contains five years just like the last few months. This pain I fight to escape isn’t any better now than when I began.

Blogging also reminds me of the many plans and hopes I have for The Daily Headache. I still believe I will eventually get that newsletter/support group/coaching going. Maybe I’ll even revive the forum I had to abandon in its infancy. Right now it feels far more likely that I’ll be thrilled to get a post written every four months. Kinda like the last two years have been. I can’t help but feel demoralized.

You know how hard I strive to keep a positive attitude. Blessed with a natural optimism, I’m generally fairly successful. But I still long to have my life back.

P.S. My mood was much improved within 30 minutes of posting this. Must be that catharsis thing I mentioned.

7 Responses to Revisiting the Pain of Years Past

  1. Tracey says:

    It’s good to hear from you… I found myself just yesterday wondering how you had been doing recently (and thinking it had been a long time since your last entry). I hope you will continue to do better. Try not to get too ‘blue’, it’s very difficult to accomplish Great Things when your head is churning every single day, so don’t expect too much of yourself.

  2. Katherine says:

    I’m sorry this is a place where your misery is stored. I do enjoy reading your posts and I hope that you will be able to do more. I’m sorry you’re not doing better. I wish you were.

  3. Diana Lee says:

    I’m thrilled to hear from you, Kerrie. I think about you often. I’m sorry things have been so terribly difficult. Send warm, gentle hugs.

  4. Marlene says:

    Kerrie,

    I am glad that you are posting again. It is alot to ask of you when I know I would probably go the same way as you have been forced to.

    You may of thought in the beginning that posting “Daily” would benefit you in a positive way. It hasn’t and that is still good in the way that the ones who do leave a reply know what you are dealing with because of their experiences.
    I, myself, can not always remain chipper. I am smart enough to know that doom and gloom everyday is not the healthy way to go. But, gosh darn it, don’t jump all over the ones that got the strength to come onto a site and post their honest feelings at that moment. Sometimes that bothers me. I do know that I get over it just like a migraine but at the same time the pain the is there.

    Well, I am not going to write much right now. I am really rather tired. Could fall asleep any moment. What happens is I get real dopey and before you know it I am writing in a language not yet familiar to man. Can’t though have a therapy treatment for my knees this morning. Walking has started to become difficult.

    Just know that there are others, like in your blog here, that do care and have concern for your daily living.

    I wish you a few more added smiles to your day until we meet again.

    Marlene

  5. Gerry Fryer says:

    I’m writing from the depths of a really bad day, but it can’t compare to your recent dificulties, Kerrie.

    Please know that I am one of many who admire your courage and believe deeply that you will find the inner strength to fight your way back.

    Gerry

  6. Valerie says:

    I wondered if you’d be back! Glad to see you are.

    Sad to hear you’re still living with the pain.

    I’m on Day 6 of my most recent battle of the migraine Hell, and I have been laid up in bed for most of yesterday and today. Thank gawd I have a helpful mother and supportive husband or my kids would be starved (among other things)!

  7. CPeterson says:

    Kerrie, it’s good to hear from you again. I’ve missed your presence. Like others, I’ve been wondering how you’ve been doing. I hope you’ve been able to find good care, but most importantly, take good care of you!

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