I try so hard to be positive and find the good in my life. I’m usually pretty good at it. Sometimes I just get pissed off.
Yesterday I slept while Hart went to lunch with friends. From 3 p.m. on, I sat in my corner on the couch. We had plans with friends for dinner. They came over, we ate pizza. I stayed on the couch.
Today I felt great when I woke up, then I showered and crashed. I slept while Hart went to lunch with friends. After they all left, I moved to the couch. I’ve had several swings of feeling better today. I get up each time, happy to have energy. I keep my activities light, but am always back on the couch within 10 minutes.
I don’t think I’m being lazy, which might be worse than doubting myself. This weekend I’ve seen that nothing I do will guarantee I’ll feel better. I work so hard to feel better. Whenever I feel like I’ve made progress, I’m knocked down again.
I’ll wake up tomorrow morning no longer angry. I’ll still know how easily I can be defeated.
I’d like to end this post with my usual upbeat twist. I can’t do it right now.
Monday morning: As usual, I cried it out with Hart last night and am much happier this morning. I also feel much better physically. Phew!