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This is About Me

I was at a park when my niece was three or four and she asked me to play in the sand with her. There was some reason that I didn’t want to do it, which I told her. Her response was, “This isn’t about you Aunt Kerrie.” I hear her little voice in my head every time I feel like I’m writing too much about myself here.

Usually I pay attention to it. In doing this, though, I’ve forgotten to update you on my progress. So, this is about me.

I haven’t had acupuncture since before Thanksgiving and can’t see that being without has made any difference. I’ve admitted to myself that my superior results after that one visit was probably not related to the acupuncture at all.

I stopped drinking the medicinal tea at Thanksgiving time too. I didn’t even finish the first week’s dose, so I have no idea if it would have been beneficial. I intend to give it another try in the next couple weeks. I stopped both this and the acupuncture because of outside circumstances, and will resume my visits in the next couple weeks. I haven’t given up, but my hopes aren’t high.

My low-pain stretch was brought to a halt Christmas Eve. I’ve had lots of migraines since then. It’s been great to know that the high energy self that I so miss isn’t gone forever. However, I’m more angry about my headaches than I was a few months ago. The what ifs are now abundant.

Legumes and I still don’t get along. I’ve stopped testing specific beans. Maybe some won’t cause pain, but why risk it? I’m starting to associate the smell of peanut butter with pain, which is actually a good thing. I’ll be thrilled when that smell no longer makes me wistful.

I didn’t realize how down I was about all this, but writing this post has made it pretty clear. It never ends and I get so tired of it. It’s hard to not feel defeated. Ugh, maybe it’s better to not reflect on my life.

5 Responses to This is About Me

  1. Eleanor says:

    I know what that feels like, the emotional rollercoaster of improving for a little while, then getting worse. But hey, you had that improvement, that good time, and that’s great! I know it’s easy to get discouraged, because you get used to the good times so quickly, but if it happened once, it can happen again.

  2. Julie says:

    Kerrie, I am so sorry about your setbacks. I feel your pain, emotionally and physically. Sometimes it seems like I just can’t take any more disappointment. Another med, another supplement, a new doctor, a new therapy, and each one ends in disappoinment. I’m not going to give up trying but I just don’t want to get my hopes up anymore. My sweet, encouraging husband says “We’re going to get you better” but I really don’t think we will. I think I will have chronic headache for a long time. I am not who I used to be but I guess none of us are. Wow, that was a real bummer of a comment – I didn’t realize how sad I was. Reading your post just reverberated with me. Hang in there, Kerrie.

  3. amber says:

    Kerrie, I too am sorry about the incessant ups and downs…and I know this doesn’t really help and doesn’t make anything better but just getting your posts out into the world makes a huge difference to your readers and fellow sufferers. Finding your blog was a breakthrough for me – and though I truly wish you didn’t have to write it, thank you for doing so. You are not your headache, none of us are.

  4. Kerrie says:

    You’re all so kind. Thank you.

    Kerrie

  5. Michelle J. says:

    I found your blog somehow tonight while looking through other things. I really enjoyed reading through it. I came across this posting and found it interesting as I just wrote a good friend, as she was asking how I was doing, that I am sad that I’ve lost the energy I’ve always had and I’ve spent way too many weekends in bed lately. Some days are good and some are not…the tale of someone with migraines and other pain. Thanks for the great posts. I’ve bookmarked this for more reading. I hope you had a great day today!

    ********
    Thanks for the kind words. I’m sorry you’re suffering so much, but am glad that the blog is helpful for you.

    Take care of yourself.

    Kerrie

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